Pipe Dream’s News Editor Jacob T. Kerr and Arts & Culture Editor Gabby Iacovano sit down with Laura Johnsen, a fifth-year Ph.D. candidate studying anthropology. Johnsen studies the technology surrounding the world of sex and the social implications it carries with it.

This episode was hosted by Jacob T. Kerr and Gabby Iacovano and post-production work was done by Design Manager Kade Estelle and Digital Editor Kimberly Gonzalez. Thank you to Laura Johnsen for her support of the show.

After dropping out of Columbia College in Chicago, Bulnes, 24, started “Classroom Crush,” a podcast where guests discuss formative childhood and adolescent crushes. Since the podcast’s start in 2017, guests have ranged from past hookups to Bulnes’ mother, and while names are often changed, stories are told with a refreshing vulnerability. Pipe Dream sat down with Bulnes to talk romance, rejection and the unique struggles of Generation Z crushing.

Pipe Dream (PD): What motivated you to start “Classroom Crush?”

Rebecca Bulnes (RB): I was always very “boy-crazy” and I didn’t like the connotation of that. Even in my high school film class — and I was good in that class, I wrote decent papers — I got my teacher to write in my senior yearbook, and he wrote something like, “I think it’s funny how no matter what film it is, you’ll find a way to love the leading man.” I was like, “Haha, that’s funny,” but also like, “Fuck you, I was a person beyond vocalizing that I was horny for Jimmy Stewart!” Like, everyone’s horny for Jimmy Stewart, get over it! But I always had a lot of crushes, and I wanted to start a podcast because I started writing about podcasts for AV Club when I moved to Chicago. One day I was thinking about my main nemesis crush from K-8 school, and I remember thinking, “I wonder what’s going on with him,” you know, “that guy fucked me up!” So I first came up with the idea of, “What if I talk to my old crushes,” and then that turned into, “What if you talk about them? What if you talk about them with people? And talk about how they formed you?” It is a thing that I feel passionately about, and I feel like I’ve defined myself so much by romance or the lack thereof, but I didn’t like the idea that that was a bad thing; just because it happens when you’re young doesn’t mean it’s not important. And I noticed that whenever I brought up the idea, people would want to talk to me about it because it’s such a universal thing.

PD: The focus of the show is childhood crushes, but you also mention recent crushes and hookups. Is there any intent to show that the heartbreak we associate with adolescence can hurt just as much as an adult?

RB: I think for the podcast I really value radical honesty above all else, and sometimes I’ll be talking about something in the past, and it parallels what’s happening in my life now … It’s all valid, that’s why people go to therapy! People give validity to really traumatic things, and not that it’s the same, but we give validity to everything else that happened in our childhood — why not “puppy love?” Because it guides you; if you’re a person like me, who has a lot to give, it’s also a sort of trauma.

PD: I heard you say in an episode that you think your crush fixation stems from a feeling of wanting to be chosen, and that feeling extends to other facets of your life. Do you think a person’s early 20’s are an especially vulnerable time for that?

RB: In this area of your life, so much hinges on external validation. The same way I want to skip the flirting and go straight to the boyfriend, I also want to skip to the career, but all that hinges on someone choosing me. Leaving anything up to anyone else is hard to do, and that’s because when you leave things up to other people, you have to make sure they know what you want. And that’s something I’m trying with my new job, where I’m very shamelessly saying “I want this thing,” but it’s hard because then if you don’t get it, everyone knows how much you wanted it and that it didn’t line up for you. I’m sure it’s tied to age because there’s a lot of stuff floating around in the atmosphere as far as what direction you go in, and a lot of it has to do with other people. What’s so funny is that when you see someone asking for what they want, it’s never embarrassing; usually when you see that in the world you’re like, “Wow, that’s so badass,” so then why can’t we do it? It’s because of classic self-loathing, and not wanting to settle.

PD: You were only in college for two semesters, but do you remember any formative romantic experiences from that time? Any college dating advice?

RB: Typically people talk about college as the time to have sex and experiment, and I did hook up in those times and didn’t have a relationship, obviously. I think it’s important to know what’s it like to have an empty hookup — which is fun — but then at the same time you learn what it feels like to want something more … I’m probably the worst candidate for college dating advice, but what I will say is I wasn’t living in dorms, and I’d always fantasize about college dorm life and running into people because my favorite thing in the world is when people are stuck together. It’s why I love the show “Lost,” because it’s a bunch of people stuck together in a place, and shit’s gonna happen … so I feel like you’ve got to take advantage of people being stuck there with you!

PD: If you could’ve given yourself any advice in that period of 18 to 21 years old, what would it be?

RB: I think up until 18 to 21, you’ve only had so many options, and a lot of that has to do with what the world has told you [that] you want. This was sort of my college reawakening, and I recognized a lot of my internalized racism that I had never thought about until I was surrounded by white people. I realized how much of my own taste is because the world sold to me this person that I’m supposed to like, and that shook me. I think college is a really good time to sit with yourself outside the context of everything and think, “What really makes me happy?” If college is meant to explore, explore sexually but also explore yourself emotionally, and be open to different kinds of people.

PD: Do you think Generation Z is faced with any unique problems when it comes to dating?

RB: I think I’m pretty good at translating my real voice to my online voice, but not everyone is good at that, and online, of course, people want to present the version of themselves. You can also just put off meeting someone in real life for as long as is comfortable and then you can grow expectations and then have them more severely crushed. But at the same time, I love the internet because when someone feels like they haven’t found their people, you can find your people elsewhere … I have a sister who’s 16, and it’s funny because when she’s started talking to me about boys and stuff, it is 90 percent about the social media interaction. What things mean keep changing, and I think that keeps on presenting new opportunities for miscommunication. My sister said this one guy fire-reacted to her selfie, and I want to tell her that’s because he likes you, but I don’t know that. Especially with young people, they’re craving attention, and they know that they’re going to get attention with something like that, and there are so many ways to grab attention but also to be irresponsible about what that attention means.

PD: Has the fact that you’ve never been in a relationship changed the way you approach new prospects?

RB: Especially when it ends up being really hookupy, I remember that I have so much to give, and the longer I go without having a place to put it the harder it gets for someone to slowly unravel it. I was talking to my friend about this and she said, “It’s okay to be nice to men, men don’t know how to be tender with each other and they need it.” And it’s true; I shouldn’t have to not be nice when I’m a nice person and want to say nice things to you, I shouldn’t have to hide that to make you more comfortable in the little game we’re supposed to be playing. And I love that quality about myself, that I really know how to love with my whole heart and I don’t want to change that … I’ve interviewed so many guys on the show and they’ll say they like it when a girl’s a little mean to them, but I feel like so much of that is because of the culture, and I think men especially want to have won the person over and want to regain the power. And I think for some reason we don’t value niceness and sweetness as powerful, even though in the end it is the most powerful thing — not to sound like fucking J.K. Rowling — but it’s true. And that’s why when a relationship ends, it can be so damaging and world-turning, because then that love is taken away. I don’t get why we don’t see it as powerful — why, because it’s a feminine thing? But then again, I’ve done the same thing where someone’s been very nice to me and I’m like, “boring!” We all do it, but I think it has a lot more to do with what we’re supposed to find attractive than what we actually find attractive.

PD: You always end your show talking about music. What are some favorite crush songs?

RB: I’ve been wanting to talk about this one — I love oldies because there’s something so great about knowing that this shit is down the line — this one by Chet Baker: “I fall in love too easily / I fall in love too fast / I fall in love too terribly hard / For love to ever last / My heart should be well schooled / Cause I’ve been fooled in the past.” It’s like I wrote it when I was 16 years old, I love that song so much. There’s something very reassuring about knowing Chet Baker was singing about it and I still feel that way. I’ve talked about this one on the show before, it’s one I always return to because it’s so perfect, Gladys Knight and the Pips’ “If I Were Your Woman.” This part is like the “Classroom Crush” motto: “Life is so crazy and love is unkind / Because she came first, darling / Will she hang on your mind? / You’re a part of me / And you don’t even know it / I’m what you need / But I’m too afraid to show it.” That’s a good Rebecca encapsulation song.

Delivery Services

Several companies offer birth control pills over the mail, such as The Pill Club, Nurx, PRJKT RUBY, hers and many more. All you need to do is sign up online and enter your insurance card information, address and the type of pill you want. It’s time-convenient and packages are discreet. If you don’t have insurance or don’t want your parents to see it on their plan, mail services also have some of the cheapest prices for birth control at around $15 to $30 per package and have online health assessments to find out which type of pill is best for you. The Pill Club also adds goodies to their packages, like chocolates and stickers, for free. Nurx also does HPV testing, HIV PrEP — preexposure prophylaxis — and STI testing through the mail at additional costs. And to be on the safe side, multiple companies also will give you free emergency contraceptive pills if you request them and qualify under your insurance plan.

Decker Student Health Services Center

Decker Student Health Services Center on campus offer a variety of women’s health services, including Pap smears, STI testing, emergency contraceptives and birth control options. Currently, Decker Student Health Services Center offers the birth control pill, diaphragms and Depo-Provera, an injection contraceptive. All of these services require an appointment to talk to a nurse and see which option is best for you. Emergency contraceptive pills are $15 at Decker Student Health Services Center, compared to almost $40 at pharmacies off campus. And, best of all, these services are covered under the student health fee you pay with your tuition. Depending on what type of contraceptive you get, you may need to provide insurance or pay some money out of pocket for a prescription. The easiest contraceptives to find on campus for free are condoms, which are available to pick up at Decker Student Health Services Center, in most residential halls’ RA offices and at offices for the Q Center and the Multicultural Resource Center (MRC).

Off-Campus Clinics

For those who want to see a gynecologist or a doctor that specializes in women’s health, there are a few clinics off campus that offer a wider variety of options for birth control, emergency contraceptives and doctors to talk to. Family Planning of South Central New York at 117 Hawley St. offers a variety of services including birth control, gynecology exams and pregnancy tests and is accessible through the Off Campus College Transport (OCCT) buses, as it is a nine-minute walk from the University Downtown Center. Amy R. Cousins, MD at 149 Vestal Pkwy W. is the only clinic in the area that offers abortion services alongside birth control options. The downside is that these clinics can be expensive without insurance.

Remember to research all your options before deciding how you want to get contraceptives and which options you will pursue. Keep in mind factors such as existing health problems, accessibility and how likely it is for you to keep up with the contraceptive you get. If finding a daily time to take a birth control pill is hard, you may want to consider getting an IUD. If you don’t want to take a hormonal contraceptive, consider condoms, copper IUDs or diaphragms. At the end of the day, it is your body and your choice.

“Right in Time” — Lucinda Williams

Women in pop have subverted societal expectations for decades by singing about masturbation. Among cheeky, upbeat hits like Cyndi Lauper’s “She Bop” and the Divinyls’ “I Touch Myself” lies Lucinda Williams’ subtler “Right in Time,” which approaches the subject with a sweet romanticism.

“The Model” — Big Black

We had to include a song off Big Black’s classic noise punk album “Songs About Fucking,” described by band member Steve Albini in a Rolling Stone interview as the result of a drive to make “filthy music.” “The Model” is a cover of a Kraftwerk song, and its bass line and lyrics are undeniably sexy.

“The Sensual World” — Kate Bush

Students getting it on during a study break can bring some literary influence into the bedroom with this Kate Bush song, inspired by James Joyce’s “Ulysses.” If your daily grind is usually limited to a Glenn G. Bartle Library study session, Bush’s lyrics about “stepping out of the page into the sensual world” will resonate with you.

“Your Love” — The Butchies

The Butchies are better known for their upbeat punk songs, but the pioneering queercore band struck gold with this slowed-down cover of “Your Love” by the Outfield. Singer Kaia Wilson transforms the ‘80s radio staple into a sultry meditation on desire.

“I’m On Fire” — Bruce Springsteen

While Bruce Springsteen is better remembered for dad-rock-adjacent hits like “Born to Run” and “Born in the USA,” “I’m On Fire” is one of the sexiest songs of the 1980s. Springsteen’s crooning about his bad desire is accompanied by muted instrumentation that allows the undeniable passion in his voice to shine through.

“Girl” — The Internet

It’s difficult to pick just one song from R&B band The Internet for this playlist, as their evocative style serves as the perfect complement for your assorted bedroom activities. But the smooth horns of “Girl” blend with singer Syd’s promise that “anything you want is yours” to elegantly set the mood.

“Dreams Tonite” — Alvvays

Dream-pop masterpiece “Dreams Tonite” is an ode to a lost love and the remembrance of a former spark, but you don’t need to think that hard about it when it comes on. Its smooth, hazy instrumentation can help you ease your thinking.

“Kiss Me” — Sixpence None the Richer

Whether you’re single or in a relationship, Sixpence None the Richer’s “Kiss Me” will surely put you in a daze. With a sweet chorus and soothing melody, this is the perfect song to boost your mood for Valentine’s Day.

“Baby I’m Yours” — Arctic Monkeys

Arctic Monkeys’ “Baby I’m Yours” puts a romantic twist on their relaxed music style. The dreamy lyrics and harmonies will elevate any chill, sensual playlist and make you melt.

“Earned It” — The Weeknd

If you’re looking for a more sultry tune to kick off your Valentine’s Day, look no further than “Earned It” by The Weeknd. This song is perfect for those looking to kick off their late-night activities.

753 BC – 476 AD

Ancient Roman women wore tunics and strophiums which resembled a modern bandeau bra. These undergarments served mainly as extra support while doing physical activities, according to historians.

1368 – 1644

The Chinese upper class of the Ming Dynasty wore dudous, a bib-like cloth with strings around the neck and a back similar to a halter top. Dudous are still in use and are now often worn as outerwear.

1600s – early 1900s

During this period, corsets in their most traditional sense were commonly worn. Known for being restrictive and sometimes causing shortness of breath and fainting, corsets were designed to help women achieve the coveted hourglass figure.

1869

The modern bra as we know it was developed in France. A corset was split into two distinct parts — one to support the breasts and one to cover the waist — and were sold separately.

1940s

After World War II, an increase in raw materials and supplies allowed bras to look the way they do now, with adjustable straps, cup sizes and underwire. “Torpedo” bras were even marketed toward women working on assembly lines by claiming to provide more protection.

1977

The brand Victoria’s Secret was started by businessman Roy Raymond, who got the idea while shopping for a lingerie gift for his wife. Victoria’s Secret made sexy lingerie more accessible and available to the everyday woman.

2000s

The 2000s brought the rise of whale tail thongs as visible underwear in public became more common in women’s and men’s fashion.

Now

The popularity of bralettes has seen lingerie become a part of everyday fashion, not just something to be admired in private.

Some organizations have made efforts to improve sexual assault education at BU. The Student Association (SA) recently took up an initiative to increase access to sexual assault resources both on and off campus. As part of their initiative, students can now find “Know Your Resources” pamphlets scattered across campus, which include a note that reads: “After an assault, you or your friends may not know where to go for help. This is a comprehensive list of on and off campus resources and what they can do for you.” While this is a great step forward in ensuring these facilities are used by those who need it, it fails to define what constitutes sexual assault or harassment. How can a student utilize the appropriate resources if they don’t know if they have been assaulted in the first place?

Most importantly, neither 20:1 nor the SA pamphlets have information that specifically pertains to sexual assault and harassment that occurs online. Sexual assault does not always have to be a physical act. For example, our 2020 Sex Survey found that 8.9 percent of respondents have sent nude photographs without consent because they thought the recipient would enjoy it, while 7.2 percent sent nudes because they felt pressured into doing so. Additionally, 12.2 percent of respondents indicated that their nude photographs have been used in a way they did not consent to and were uncomfortable with, and 13 said their images were used to scam or blackmail them. With the sharing of nudes becoming commonplace for many, it warrants an update to the sex education efforts by both organizations and the University as they seek to inform their students with the most up-to-date and relevant information that can both prevent and assist in handling cases of sexual assault and harassment.

The Editorial Board recognizes the value of providing students with as many measures as possible to both prevent sexual assault and assist those affected by it, but it all starts with a proper education. There are many gray spaces in what constitutes sexual assault — spaces that victims may not be able to navigate without help. The University should work to ensure that sexual assault and harassment are clearly defined for the well-being of all its students.

The film rating system was established in 1968 to “help parents make informed viewing choices for their children.” Movie ratings, which range from G to NC-17, are determined by the Classification and Rating Administration (CARA), which is allegedly made up of an independent group of parents. The MPAA is facing increasing criticism for the disparate ratings they assign, particularly in regard to movies that depict women enjoying sex.

The MPAA overwhelmingly deems women’s sexuality as too explicit for large releases; meanwhile, depictions of male sexual pleasure are commonplace and are less likely to receive a restrictive rating, giving the films a commercial advantage. For example, director Jamie Babbit was forced to cut a female masturbation scene in “But I’m a Cheerleader” in order to get an R-rating instead of an NC-17 rating; the same year, “American Pie” was rated R for including the infamous apple pie scene. Many of the biggest theater chains and retail stores will not show or sell NC-17 rated movies as a matter of policy, and as a result, movies that include women’s sexuality are more likely to fail. “Afternoon Delight” director Jill Soloway was forced to cut scenes of women enjoying sex in order to earn the R-rating she had promised to distributors. That same year, Abdellatif Kechiche’s “Blue is the Warmest Color” was given an NC-17 rating for its lengthy depictions of lesbian sex.

Laughably, the MPAA appears to deem depictions of men performing oral sex on women as particularly heinous. In 2013, Evan Rachel Wood’s “Charlie Countryman” was only given an R-rating after parts from a scene in which Shia Labeouf’s character performs oral sex on Wood’s character were cut. Similarly, the MPAA rated Kimberly Peirce’s “Boys Don’t Cry” as NC-17 because the original cut depicted the main character, Brandon, wiping his mouth after performing oral sex on his girlfriend, Lana. The MPAA even stated that Lana’s orgasm was “too long.” In 2010, the MPAA gave “Blue Valentine” an NC-17 rating for an oral sex scene between the two leads, played by Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams.

As comical as the MPAA’s prudishness is, their rating system has real consequences. As Ryan Gosling explained in a 2010 interview, “You have to question a cinematic culture which preaches artistic expression, and yet would support a decision that is clearly a product of a patriarchy-dominant society, which tries to control how women are depicted on screen. The MPAA is okay supporting scenes that portray women in scenarios of sexual torture and violence for entertainment purposes, but they are trying to force us to look away from a scene that shows a woman in a sexual scenario, which is both complicit and complex. It’s misogynistic in nature to try and control a woman’s sexual presentation of self. I consider this an issue that is bigger than this film.”

Gosling is speaking to what film theorist Laura Mulvey calls “the male gaze.” Hollywood has traditionally run on a for men, by men basis; most of the films we watch tend to be dominated by the male point of view while female characters are restricted to being objects of desire. In fact, more than one in four women on-screen get partially naked, while less than one in 10 men do the same. The MPAA only reinforces the male gaze through its rating system. As HuffPost contributor Amanda Scherker explains, “Movies that have tons of gratuitous female nudity can still receive an R-rating, such as ‘Wolf of Wall Street.’ Movies that explore female pleasure or orgasms, on the other hand, are likely to be hit with an NC-17 rating.” Furthermore, in the same way that female nudity through the male gaze is considered less explicit than female erotic pleasure, violence, including sexual violence like rape, is regularly deemed acceptable in R-rated movies.

While the MPAA is unlikely to change its policies in regard to female sexual pleasure any time soon, there are alternatives to the MPAA rating system. Firstly, parents can research movies and set their own standards in terms of what is appropriate for their children to watch, rather than merely following the MPAA’s guide. Beyond that, websites like Common Sense Media and Kids-In-Mind.com provide a much more detailed rating system for parents. By refuting the MPAA’s old-fashioned rating system, we can open the doors to films that portray a more diverse expression of human sexuality beyond just the straight, male gaze.

Kate Turrell is a senior double-majoring in sociology and women’s, gender and sexuality studies.

The inclusivity of transgender or gender noncomformist groups is often seen as a danger to cisgender rights, to their personal safety and simply to the entire fabric of our society. For example, consider that the superficial moral “panic” caused by these groups using the bathrooms of their choice, based on their true identity, has gone as far as to produce violent reactions from those sharing the same space. In an attempt to justify such cruelty, the “trans panic defense,” or the more general “LGBTQ+ panic defense,” is a legal strategy invoked by perpetrators where the blame for an assault is placed on the victim’s sexual or gender orientation. Underlying these brutal motives against trans women in particular is the notion that within the bathroom battleground, they’re merely men seeking to mask as, and subsequently prey on, “real” women.

By “othering” those who identify as anything beyond cisgender, we place these individuals in a box seemingly out of reach of universal validation and support. The inherently detrimental “us versus them” dichotomy, which demands artificial and binary constructions of difference in the misguided name of self-preservation, continues to severely plague much of humanity. An all-embracing tolerance is the mark of an advancing world, reinforced by equitable treatment and the validation of others’ harmlessly honest existence. Yet, the rising backlash against trans and non-binary individuals is both never-ending and outrageously inhumane.

Controversy over the removal of the Venus symbol from sanitary pads made by the menstrual product company Always, for example, constitutes the kind of misguided aversion that assumes expanded inclusivity is a liberal attack on longstanding cultural traditions. The move was enforced by the parent company Procter & Gamble, stating their commitment to diversity along with a leading regard for their customers’ mental health and the possible damage caused by the symbol’s innately female-coded imagery. Although mental health is a topic commonly referenced when considering gender issues, it’s not usually to support the well-being of the ostracized, but for cisgender people completely removed from the effects of increased inclusivity.

The most prominent arguments concerning these mentally altering consequences is related to that of children. The so-called justification is often along the lines of “children are too young to be exposed to sex” and “kids can’t comprehend such complex matters!” This misguided notion obscures the fact that firstly, children aren’t inherently asexual beings. Exposure to the realities of the sexual spectrum will aid them in the personal construction of their identities, as well as increase the general acceptance of individuals different from themselves. This is especially important in the case of children identifying beyond the binaries of what’s predominately accepted in society. For the sanctity of a united and healthier future, these children deserve to grow up surrounded by confirmation rather than ridicule, principally by the figures meant to support them as they face a typically unforgiving world.

The greatest challenge to standardized inclusivity for trans and gender nonconforming individuals is the notion of their inherent “dangerousness.” Such a position is greatly influenced by the lack of these individuals’ representation in the media, as their continuous invisibility lessens the legitimacy of their existence. Additionally, the production of negative representation only functions to further dehumanize and alienate these groups, which obviously produces incredibly detrimental effects on their mental well-being. Such publicly negative depictions of trans individuals relates to their characters’ typical construction as significantly one-dimensional.

The most frequent profession for these characters in media is that of sex workers, while they’re further restricted to the production’s role as a killer, villain or the victim of gross brutalities based solely on their identity. The thin line between confusion and condemnation is routinely exemplified by various individuals in influential positions, from politicians to popular public figures. They ceaselessly perpetuate the stereotype that this whole “sexuality issue” is too modern to fully comprehend and requires time to accept. In an interview this past November, Hillary Clinton forwarded the position that trans affairs pose a “legitimate concern” for cisgender women, and the advancement of their rights necessitates a “very big generational discussion.” Besides advancing the deeply problematic notion that trans identities are a new concept, although their existence has been internationally affirmed for centuries, her words fuel and validate bigotry. This reckless rhetoric is not only appallingly far behind the times, but legitimizes the efforts of those seeking to shroud and erase the factual reality of sexuality’s biological universality.

Man-made divides constructed between different identities are used to produce more inequalities between groups and perpetuate hierarchies of domination. These fabricated ideological power structures forcefully infiltrate every facet of our social, political and economic spheres. The imagined binaries separating “normalcy” from “abnormality” make some groups seem more deserving of a respected and elevated societal status, fundamental rights and the protection of the most sacred human liberties. How could individuals who choose to live every day as the most authentic version of themselves deserve to be denied the bare minimum of human decency and acknowledgment, as they’re mocked and told their reality is a lie? Although it’s obvious the world is quick to disregard the existence of those who seem to fall outside the scope of mainstream sexual conventionality, our incessant alienation of other human beings is a cruelty without a shred of justification.

Miranda Jackson-Nudelman is a junior majoring in political science.

I kept my sexuality to myself, as I had for years, and lived in terror of someone finding out. There were days I wouldn’t even like queer content online for risk someone noticed. When I did figure out what my identity was, it didn’t get any easier. I thought to myself, after all that trouble, “at least I would’ve come out as a lesbian, but no, of course I’m bisexual.” I hated who I was, and a large part of that stemmed from my environment.

It’s no secret that bisexuality isn’t always looked upon with the most kindness in both the straight and queer communities. I’ve seen and heard everything from the “pick a side,” the “it’s a phase,” the “it’s just an excuse to sleep around,” the “isn’t that just on the way to being gay” to the “Pride isn’t really for you” arguments. Even the original version of “The L Word” called bisexuality “gross.” Popular media doesn’t exactly help either.

Bisexuals make up more than half of the LGBTQ population, but you might not know it if you watch television. Or movies. Or read newspapers regularly. For the longest time, the phrase “bisexual” wasn’t explicitly said in popular media. A character could have romantic and sexual encounters with people from different genders, but they would be portrayed as promiscuous, not bisexual. Thankfully, that’s beginning to change. Characters on shows like “Grey’s Anatomy,” “Schitt’s Creek” and “Crazy Ex-Girlfriend” have been explicitly described as bisexual. “Brooklyn Nine-Nine” had an entire episode dedicated to the unique struggle that Detective Diaz faced when she came out as bisexual. There’s still a long way to go, however.

For me, the trouble later became that, after comfortably living in the closet for so long, it became more of a rent-controlled studio apartment — I was really behind on queer culture. When I was younger and encountered queer friends and groups, it felt like everyone listened to the same music, knew the same people, watched the same movies and everyone laughed at the same U-Haul jokes. I hadn’t seen Blue is the Warmest Color (still haven’t), I hadn’t even come close to kissing a girl (finally did that) and, most importantly, I was still very much in the closet — and still kind of am. I wasn’t proud and any attempts to come out were often quickly quashed by a single comment. Once again, I felt like I didn’t belong anywhere, not even in the community I had longed for this whole time.

Thankfully, college has helped a lot with that. There are days where I feel as though I fit the “bisexual mold” a bit better and there are some days I still feel like an outsider. The difference is, now, I’m okay with that. I’ve been to Pride and back again, and love that I can’t be put into a box. I love being a part of queer culture, and I also love that there are many facets to my personality outside my sexuality. I’m laughing at jokes with my friends and can comfortably ask someone to explain the punchline when it doesn’t land. And I no longer feel like I have to prove myself to anyone — we’re all worthy of acceptance.

All jokes aside, being a “gold star lesbian” doesn’t make you better than anyone else. Having a boyfriend doesn’t make me any less bisexual. Gender is a spectrum! So is sexuality! Come out when you want to! It’s okay to be scared of confusion! There is no “right way” to be queer!

Whether you’re gay, lesbian, pansexual with a preference for women, bisexual who’s only been with men, asexual or any part of the LGBTQ community (including questioning), I have one thing to tell you: You’re doing just fine. Even if you try out a different label five years down the road to see if it fits you better, you’re still you. You’re right, so long as you don’t make anyone else feel excluded.

Elizabeth Short is a junior majoring in English and is assistant Opinions editor.

Phoebe Clark, a senior majoring in integrative neuroscience, said talking with her friends about sex helps her have a more positive experience.

“My friends are super important as people to bounce ideas off of and talk out situations with,” Clark said. “They help me feel more comfortable in my decisions, and when I’m not being as rational as I should, they definitely bring me back down to earth — especially when it comes to sex. I think it’s super important to have someone to even just chat about it with. It normalizes sex more and makes for an overall safer environment around it.”

Other, less chosen, answers to the question about resources surrounding conversations on sex included “Decker Student Health Services Center” and “University Counseling Center.” One student, Chris Kollman, a junior majoring in history, said these options are less appealing because students have a difficult time being comfortable around them.

“I think that I am more comfortable talking about issues like this with my friends over family, because they are closer to my age than say any of my family members,” Kollman said. “This is because it is a different time period and there were different standards that your parents may have had 40 years ago than today.”

According to Kollman, the major difference between older generations’ knowledge about sexual relationships and younger generations’ primarily stems from social media.

“They did not have to deal with social media and the decisions you make can have the ability to change your life drastically,” Kollman said. “It is important to have friends to discuss these issues with because you can learn from their mistakes and better yourself.”

Social media, as well as the rise of dating apps such as Tinder and Bumble, has drastically changed how people find sexual and romantic partners over the past few decades. Despite the millions of users on dating apps, Kollman said most of his friends met romantic partners through mutual friends.

“It is not true for me but a majority of my friends have met their significant other through means other than bars and social media apps,” Kollman said. “I think meeting through mutual friends is effective because you have similar interests with your friends and those friends will introduce you to their friends that they think you will like.”

Starting conversations about sex may not always be the easiest thing to do, but Owen Lucano, a senior majoring in biology, said people can strengthen both their sexual relationships and friendships by talking about it.

“It’s not always the most comfortable conversation, because sex is something that’s personal to a lot of people,” Lucano said. “But if you keep an open mind, you might learn a thing or two, and perhaps even bond over it. When we disclose information on the things we like or dislike about sex to each other, it strengthens relationships because of the trust that’s built.”

John Murphy, a junior majoring in mechanical engineering, said he also has closer bonds with friends whom he can talk about personal topics with.

“I think my friends have helped me learn a lot about my sexuality and help me feel comfortable talking about really anything,” Murphy said. “I think it’s super important to have friends you can talk to about stuff like sex. If you can’t talk to your friends about sex, I feel like that means there are plenty of other topics where you’re not being yourself around who you call your friends. Casual conversation about sex and other personal things is what I think makes you close with your friends.”

The 2015 National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey (NISVS), launched by the Center for Disease Control’s National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, states that one in five women and one in 14 men will experience rape in their lifetime. These statistics show that sexual assault is extremely common, particularly for young women aged 18 to 25 years old, yet rape is one of the most under-reported crimes, with only 37 percent of victims reporting to the police. False allegations are rare, with falsified or incorrect reports making up between 2 to 10 percent of all cases, according to the NSVRC.

According to the NISVS, sexual violence can be categorized into four types: rape by penetration, being made to penetrate someone else, sexual coercion where the victim is pressured in a nonphysical way to engage in unwanted sexual intercourse and unwanted sexual contact besides penetration. Contact sexual violence is any combination of the aforementioned types of sexual violence.

BU and Broome County have a number of services available to support victims of assault and harassment. The Student Association (SA) recently initiated a sexual assault campaign in an effort to educate students on sexual assault resources, including, but not limited to, the University Counseling Center, Decker Student Health Services Center, the Office of the Dean of Students, the Dean of Student’s Consultation, Advocacy, Referral and Education (CARE) team, BU’s ombudsman, Binghamton’s New York State University Police, a student-run peer helpline called Support Empathy Empowerment Kindness (SEEK), Residential Life and the Interpersonal Violence Program (IVP).

In the city of Binghamton, the Crime Victims Assistance Center and Broome County’s Sexual Assault Response Team can also help victims get the support and resources needed after an assault.

Throughout campus, resident assistant (RA) offices provide bowls and jars of condoms for free. Designated RAs are tasked with visiting the Decker Student Health Services Center to pick up condoms and bring them back to these offices. Bri Johnson, an RA for Johnson Hall and a senior majoring in human development, said she thinks putting out free condoms for students is an important resource in the building.

“I feel like it’s definitely something that’s needed,” Johnson said. “I feel like it’s much less awkward coming down to the RA office to get [condoms] rather than going to [Decker Student Health Services Center] yourself to get it or even going to a pharmacy or something to pick it up. I feel like it’s much more convenient and the fact that it’s in the building and you’re being provided protection by people who are supposed to look out for you, I feel like that definitely makes things less awkward.”

However, some find it embarrassing to have to interact with an RA, according to a student who wished to remain anonymous.

“They’re definitely more convenient,” the student said. “It is a little awkward when you see an RA, but they are very convenient.”

The RA offices are not the only place to get condoms on campus. In the University Bookstore, Trojan brand condoms are available in packs of three for $3.29. Jenna McMullin, a bookstore employee and a junior majoring in mathematics, said she sees students buy them frequently.

“I work once to twice a week,” McMullin said. “I’d say once every shift, at least, someone will come in and buy [condoms].”

Binghamton University offers other ways for students to get contraceptives and protection on campus. Decker Student Health Services Center offers oral contraception, emergency contraception, diaphragms and Depo-Provera, a hormonal birth control shot. In the basement of Decker Student Health Services Center, the Real Education About College Health (REACH) office offers free safe-sex products such as condoms, dental dams and lubricants. REACH is a part of the Health Promotion and Prevention Services (HPPS) department which also gives out safe-sex products on the third floor of Old O’Connor Hall.

In addition to offering safe-sex supplies on campus, REACH has a system where students can order a “Safer Sex Kit” online. The process requires less interaction than heading to a specific office to pick up contraceptives.

According to another anonymous student, although students may not think to use campus resources for contraceptives, the kit can be a good alternative to other avenues.

“I’ve seen [the kit] advertised in the [University] Union,” the student said. “I think [the ‘Safer Sex Kit’] could be pretty useful. I feel like most students, when they think about [contraceptives], they don’t think to reach out to people.”

Using a Google Form, students can customize their kit to include their choice of 10 male condoms, 10 female condoms, 10 dental dams or 10 packets of water-based lubricant. The kit will then be sent to a student’s campus mailbox. If they live off campus, they must pick it up in the REACH office. Although the program has only been around for a few years, Kimberly Peabody, director of HPPS, said it is growing in popularity.

“The ‘Safer Sex Kits’ have been offered since spring of 2018,” Peabody said. “Since its inception, we have had an increase in orders each semester.”

Aaron Jed, a junior majoring in mathematics, said he appreciates that BU offers a variety of contraception options.

“Anecdotally speaking, I think I’ve had no issue getting access to contraceptives on campus,” Jed said. “I think the school actually does a relatively good job of promoting the use of contraceptives on campus.”

Still, when asked about the quality of the contraceptives offered, Jed was critical.

“Different story,” Jed said. “I outsource, I definitely outsource.”

In September, the State University of New York (SUNY) system adopted a state-wide policy concerning professional relationships. The consensual relationship policy states that if a faculty member exercises power over other faculty members or students because of a supervisory, instructional or perceived control over an educational or work experience, a power imbalance is created that negatively affects the work environments of all those involved. Therefore, the policy prohibits nonprofessional relationships between students and professional staff or other college personnel.

Although the new policy was molded to make the rules regarding student and faculty relationships more uniform across the SUNY system, Binghamton University has long had a policy against relationships of this nature. In 1990, the Faculty Senate ratified its first policy prohibiting sexual relations between superiors and subordinates. This initial policy dealt entirely with inappropriate relationships between faculty and students and in 1993, it was accepted as University policy by President Lois DeFleur.

The newest version of the policy, however, expands upon the 1993 policy to not just include instances of power imbalances between faculty, staff and students, but also potential issues concerning those in other supervisory positions, such as teaching assistants.

According to Ryan Yarosh, BU’s senior director of media and public relations, relationships of this nature are not outright prohibited. Rather, those involved with students that they oversee must undergo a process designed to remove the student from their supervision, and are strongly encouraged to use caution and good judgement during the relationship.

“Where one person is in the direct line of supervision over the other, the supervisor must notify college administration so that alternative arrangements for supervision can be made,” Yarosh wrote in an email after the policy was first implemented. “Co-employee relationships without a direct line of supervision are permissible, but if there is a situation where one individual could impact an employment-related decision, they must recuse themselves from the decision-making process.”

While relationships and hookups with faculty members are not common at Binghamton University, they also aren’t unheard of. In responses to Pipe Dream’s 2020 Sex Survey, seven respondents indicated they that previously had a sexual encounter with a faculty member.

At BU, the Human Resources office is responsible for supervising the policy; however, Bathabile Mthombeni, the University’s ombudsman, is available to help students, faculty and staff with questions about the rules and how they might impact their relationship.

“I do not play a role in the process beyond helping those with concerns regarding the policy to consider their options and get in touch with the proper resources,” Mthombeni wrote in an email.

Yarosh wrote that with this new policy, both BU and the entire SUNY system will be able to provide a more comprehensive and far-reaching method of addressing relationships of this kind.

“Binghamton [University] has always taken a very strong and public stance prohibiting sexual harassment,” Yarosh wrote after the policy was first implemented. “It is imperative for SUNY to leverage its power as the most comprehensive system of higher education in the country to speak with one voice in combating all forms of sexual harassment. The measures outlined in this resolution address critical issues that affect learning and employee environments and must be addressed through clear and transparent policy and policy statements.”